Weekly Shocks' Blog


Puggle Update: Part The Second, or, You Guys Are Filthy

I love you all. Really, I do. But, for f*ck’s sake, people.

Search Engine Terms

These are terms people used to find your blog.

Today

Search                             Views

puggle penis size               1

No. A thousand times, no.


The Puggle Stalker Returns!

Ahem:

Search Engine Terms

These are terms people used to find your blog.

Today

Search Views
puggle 43 More stats
puggles 2 More stats

Hooray!

(Check out this, this, this, and this if you’re confused. Or just continue in your confusion if you prefer. You’re cute when you don’t know what the hell is going on. Not as cute as puggles, of course, but you gotta make do.)


Puggle Update

Despite some of my blogged assertions to the contrary, I’d like to think I’m not a complete and total loser in real life. I do have a lovely family and some wonderful, bizarrely funny friends who seem to genuinely enjoy both my company and my admittedly wry sense of humor. In fact, I’m pretty darn cool, aren’t I? Heck, I’m da bomb! I’m good enough, smart enough, and, doggone it, people like me!

stuart-smalley-magnet-c12359389

And speaking of dogs, one of my friends who occasionally follows my goofy blog with utter bemusement asked how things were going with my puggle stalker. I have to say that my hybrid dog-obsessed reader seems to have wandered off to greener, perhaps puggier pastures. This actually makes me a little sad. There were a few days after I wrote my last puggle-related post where the Weekly Shocks’  internet search hits for ‘puggle’ were absolutely obscene, and I was frankly a bit creeped out. I decided to stop mentioning the Puggle Mystery, hoping this weirdo would take the hint and go away.

My strategy seemed to have worked: the hits tapered off gradually, and now I kind of miss my perpetually anonymous internet circus freak. It always added a bit of excitement to my day when I checked my stats and came across double digit figures for this completely incongruous item of interest. It made me a little happy that I was providing some potentially insane person with just a little joy and comfort in these dark and uncertain times. Besides, how can your heart of stone not crumble a little at the sight of the wee, charming creatures? I dare you to look at the following and not exclaim, in girlish delight, “AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!”

puggle_engebretsen

I think I’ve proved my point.

Please come back, Mr or Ms Puggle-Lover: I miss you. Unless, of course, you’re doing really, really horrible and unwholesome things to puggles, like dressing them in clown suits or carrying them in oversized purses, in which case GET HELP. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?! Were you not hugged often enough as a child?!? Freak! Creepy, repulsive, animated Troll Doll! GO AWAY!


Puggle Mystery: Still Unsolved

Well, then! After my last post about Internet search engines, puggles, and blogging, I’m still no closer to unmasking my puggle-loving reader, who remains coy yet determined: today, the word ‘puggle’ was entered five times in search engines leading to this blog. A bit odd, yes, slightly worrying, sure: but I am not complaining. After all, puggles sure do bring in the blog hits – The Things You Learn While Blogging was far and away the most popular blog post I’ve ever made, smashing my second-highest rated entry by more than fifty viewings. Keep that in mind if you’re trying to boost traffic to your own blog, folks. PUGGLES. Puggles are the answer.

And special thanks to Jennifer for introducing me to the magic of Google Alerts and whose own puggle-based blog should satisfy all of your adorable hybrid-dog viewing needs.

On a non-puggle related note (sincere apologies to those of you who are here strictly for the puggles – feel free to leave now), this week begins The Annual Birthday Hell in Weekly Shocks’ World. It seems as if every blood relative I have, not to mention a fair few friends as well, have decided to get together and plot against me in the most intensive, wallet-destroying conspiracy imaginable by having all of their birthdays between now and the end of this month. I’m still suffering from post-Christmas detox, my darling loved ones! Have mercy! But they don’t care. Not at all. Seriously, what the hell is it about February and birthdays? There are far better months for celebrating one’s arrival into the world, I believe. I’m personally partial to March, but, really, anything has to be better than this miserable, cold, gray and dreary month of interminable mud. Really, it’s so lame, it doesn’t even get a minimum of 30 days, like every other normal month in the calendar. Honestly, February, have you no self-respect, no decency? You’re pathetic, February, a mutant freak and unworthy of notice. Go away.

Branch out and have your children in different seasons, people. You’ll feel better, I promise. I know I will.


The Things You Learn While Blogging

I’ve been at this blogging thing for just under two months now. In the process, I’ve discovered you can learn some pretty odd things about people’s Internet behavior. WordPress has a nifty little tool that tells you the phrases or words people enter into search engines that somehow lead them to your blog. I love this feature. Since starting Weekly Shocks, people have found my little home on the intrawebs by searching for “The Popemobile,” crazy people [in] Oxford,  tapeworms, “New England and bitching,” and – my personal favorite – “drunk while marking.” You folks are strange and wonderful and I love you for all your odd, Internet-abusing ways.

More recently, though, I’ve come across a bit of a search engine mystery. In the past day, someone has found this blog seven times by searching for the word ‘puggle.’ (I assume it’s one person who, for whatever reason, is fixated on the strange but adorable creatures.) Bemused and mildly paranoid that the one photo of a puggle I had on the site belonged to an enraged and overly-protective owner who now had my home address and lots of firearms, I got rid of the picture, and replaced it with an equally charming photo of a beagle. However, this doesn’t seem to be deterring the mysterious and dedicated Internet user, as another two ‘puggle’ hits were recorded on my blog today. Huh. Completely flummoxed, I googled the word ‘puggle’ myself, and went through, literally, twelve pages of hits before giving up, never once finding a reference to my blog. How in the hell is this person finding me? If you care to reveal yourself, dear reader, I promise many photos of puggles for your enjoyment, so long as you show me whatever magic trick you’re employing in landing here. I sense you have mighty powers. JOIN ME!