Weekly Shocks' Blog

The Answer To Your Burning Question

Some poor, frustrated soul is currently trawling the Internet looking for an answer to the following question:

“Can a dissertation be done in two weeks?”

I know this because, not surprisingly, in his search engine journey, he landed right here in Weekly Shocks World where dissertations go to die slow, painful deaths. And then they get resurrected and kill their creators with machetes. It’s all very Frankenstein-esque. Someone should make a movie about it. I’ll get going on the screenplay.

Anyway, poor, sad, reader, if you’re still out there and not dead yet, I can happily assure you that, yes, you can write a dissertation in less than two weeks, although it will hurt a whole lot and you better not have anything else going on in your life while you slop through it. Also, an intravenous caffeine drip will help matters. And, if you can find one, get a willing friend, family member, or hired goon to smack you in the head whenever you start drifting into the slurry land of unconsciousness. This person can also remind you with his cheerful slaps that leaving a dissertation until the last minute is really not the brightest thing you’ve ever done, so try not to do it again, ‘k? You poor, sad fool. You remind me of myself when I was your age. (One month ago.)

Anyway, go kick some ass. I wish you luck. Please report back when you’re finished. And you will finish. I believe in you! You read my blog which proves you’re a smart lad (or lass) with excellent taste and just a hint of a commitment problem. Nothing to be ashamed of, my dear. Wave your lazy bum flag high.


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  1. * sillionshine says:

    Wow. Two week dissertation. Does that include weekends? Surely you would allow a couple of lazy Sundays off to languorously contemplate the state of your university education and the delicious path of sloth that has led you to collapse at the doorstep of a two week dissertation.

    Even a battle-hardened procrastinator such as myself would probably get on to somethng like this a little earlier, but I admit that the albeit miniscule chance of a two week dissertation being accepted would probably prove an irresistible challenge.

    To research, draft, revise and publish a dissertation all within the recommended lifespan of a bottle of milk, surely that is an academic achievement on par with Newton’s Principia Mathematica. And with all that extra time he had, he could still only come up with three laws of motion. Pathetic.

    I salute you, brave soul, whoever you are. If sleep deprivation and the ensuing necessity of ingesting a wide variety of stimulants doesn’t end in you producing a tract of inchorent yet disturbing ramblings which result in you being committed to a mental health institution for a period considerably longer than two weeks, then you should consider it as a triumphant success, irrespective of whether it gets accepted or not by those facist professors in their ivory towers who have nothing better to do than insist on accurate findings, diligent scholarship, logical arguments and sentences shorter and less meandering than this one.

    Proudly waving my lazy bum flag high, (or at least letting it trail behind me like the plumage of a depressed peacock, ready at any moment to flutter gloriously in the slipstream of my rapid ascent to the top) – sillionshine.

    Posted 8 years, 7 months ago

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