Weekly Shocks' Blog


Ganked from Amazon.com:

This is my current Facebook status. So far, only one of my friends “likes” it, which I find sad, because it is one of the most brilliantly hysterical Amazon.com product descriptions I have ever read. The item is a 8GB Ipod Nano, used, selling for $60:

“The actual iPod is in great condition, but it fell in a pool and doesn’t work.”

In other news, I have a couple of interviews lined up for real-world, adult jobs. “Adult” as in bill-paying, slipper-wearing, crossword-completing employment, not filthy pornographic naughtiness. You people. Dirty, dirty, dirty.

Then again, both jobs are in New York City, so who knows?

I love Boston. I will miss this beautiful, messy city if I move south.

Advertisements

Mine too.

Haha! Am I the only one left who finds Garfield funny? Yes? Oh well.

largeimagega090824

Back to America Land tomorrow. YEE HAH.


How can I contact this sexy beast of a man?

I’ve decided that I’ve been single too long. This decision comes quickly on the heels of hearing this charming specimen of manhood.

Dimitri, baby, call me. I’m not on any psychological medication. I’m completely normal and very elegant. I’ve played your message for all my girlfriends who are currently wrestling with me in an attempt to lay their greasy paws on you first. Of course, they’re just jealous. I’m very forceful and independent and will chain you to my radiator after our first date and beat you repeatedly with a lead pipe. But I suspect you may be the type who just loves that sort of aggressive affection. At least I’m hoping you are. You better be, or I won’t be interested.

Rrrrrowwwwwwr.

This could be the start of something very, very special.


The Answer To Your Burning Question

Some poor, frustrated soul is currently trawling the Internet looking for an answer to the following question:

“Can a dissertation be done in two weeks?”

I know this because, not surprisingly, in his search engine journey, he landed right here in Weekly Shocks World where dissertations go to die slow, painful deaths. And then they get resurrected and kill their creators with machetes. It’s all very Frankenstein-esque. Someone should make a movie about it. I’ll get going on the screenplay.

Anyway, poor, sad, reader, if you’re still out there and not dead yet, I can happily assure you that, yes, you can write a dissertation in less than two weeks, although it will hurt a whole lot and you better not have anything else going on in your life while you slop through it. Also, an intravenous caffeine drip will help matters. And, if you can find one, get a willing friend, family member, or hired goon to smack you in the head whenever you start drifting into the slurry land of unconsciousness. This person can also remind you with his cheerful slaps that leaving a dissertation until the last minute is really not the brightest thing you’ve ever done, so try not to do it again, ‘k? You poor, sad fool. You remind me of myself when I was your age. (One month ago.)

Anyway, go kick some ass. I wish you luck. Please report back when you’re finished. And you will finish. I believe in you! You read my blog which proves you’re a smart lad (or lass) with excellent taste and just a hint of a commitment problem. Nothing to be ashamed of, my dear. Wave your lazy bum flag high.