Weekly Shocks' Blog


I spent most of my weekend trawling through my novel, which is still a goofy mess (think of an animated Rainbow Bright dropping acid – that’s the overall feel of the book) yet still dearly beloved. I think I’m going to end up as one of those pathetic, sloppy drunks in trashy bars who moans on and on about her yet-to-be-published “great American novel” to any poor sap who will listen, and then passes out in a pool of her own mojito-encrusted vomit. I’m oddly OK with this.

Anyway, I’ve been struggling with my two main characters and the relationship between them. When I tell anyone the general plot of my novel, they automatically assume Jack and Mike are closeted gay lovers. There’s nothing wrong with being gay lovers (no, really, there’s nothing wrong with it – I’m not homophobic at all, I swear, it’s just it’s not what…I mean, that’s not the kind of…I wasn’t planning on making…look, go away), but it’s not supposed to be a romantic book or a love story at all. Furthermore, it doesn’t help that Jack has a horrible troll of a girlfriend who is wrong for him in every conceivable way, a fact that Mike brings up constantly (Mike is kind of a well-intentioned yet socially inept moron). I mean, my guys are exceptionally close friends and they go through a lot together and develop a kind of camaraderie that transcends their differences…and, oh, holy crap, they really should be gay lovers!  This is a big problem. Again, there’s nothing wrong with it, but I am not the person to write that kind of a book. Really, I struggle enough with traditional, mainstream social relationships like heterosexual dating and friendship and how much to tip the pizza delivery guy without making him think I’m either a knobby cheapskate or a condescending bitch. There’s no way in hell I could turn my comical farce of a novel into a potential minefield of social and political revolution for gay rights’ activists. Plus, the whole thing is set in a very Jesuit university and I slam the Church (affectionately, I swear!) often enough as is without adding another element of cliched, closeted homoeroticism between my good Catholic boys. I will not touch serious issues with a ten-foot pole in this book and, damn it all to hell, you can’t make me!

OK, hopefully I’ve managed to offend just about everyone with my awkward, pointless apologizing. Moving on.

This morning, while avoiding real work, I was obsessing over my fictional boys yet again, trying for the umpteenth time to discover a way to properly describe their relationship without adding any hint of romantic undertones. How in the hell am I going to keep the charm of their pointless, incessant bickering, their obnoxiously competitive arguing, and their fierce loyalty to and affection for each other without making them seem like an old, married couple?

Then it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks, a solution so patently stupid and simple I wondered why I had been avoiding the inevitability of it for so long. Jack and Mike aren’t friends at all, they’re brothers!

So, this of course means I need to rewrite large swaths of the book and rework some of the back story, but I’m happy with that. Being a novelist is more or less like playing God for a fictional world, isn’t it, and if I have the responsibility of making my people happy, I’ll have to put in lots of time and effort and energy. Good Lord, these boys are so much damn work. Maybe I should give them both an annoying, non life-threatening illness  – eczema, perhaps? – to teach ’em a lesson. Or maybe I should it can it with my chronic, obscene narcissism and get back to work.


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  1. * Davis says:

    good luck with your book — there sounds like some very interesting elements

    Posted 9 years, 1 month ago
  2. discovered your blog through alpha inventions…
    enjoyed reading it thoroughly!

    and the quote by GB Shaw is hilarious! 🙂

    Posted 9 years, 1 month ago
  3. * rollsettravel says:

    Have you considered gay incestous brothers!

    Posted 9 years, 1 month ago
  4. * WeeklyShocks says:

    No no no no no no no no no! Bad thoughts, go away! 🙂

    Posted 9 years, 1 month ago

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