Weekly Shocks' Blog



Spring! Damn It!

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I really should just break down and start a Garfield Category. Not that I’m complaining or anything, but really: that damn comic strip runs my life. Is that wrong somehow?

Anyway, hooray, huzzah, booyah, today is the first day of spring. NYC apparently celebrated with some minor snow flurries. Haha, suckers.

nyc-snow

Just down the road from us in Oxford, the Druids celebrated at Stonehenge with prayers and solemnity and, apparently, mobile phones and video cameras. Naturally.

druids

Why not, I say. If your most holy of celebrations can’t include interruptions of ringtones blasting “Who Let the Dogs Out?”, then it’s probably not fit for modern man. Might as well trash it, right?

Me, I spent most of the week in hell, busy as a bee, and really, just being a grumpy toad. Not to crap misery turds all over everyone’s welcoming of the season of rebirth, but frankly, I hate spring. “April is the cruelest month,” indeed, Mr Eliot. My aversion to spring stems partly from the fact that it inevitably leads to summer, which is a highly overrated, sweaty, stinky, and sticky season (saved only by baseball), but mostly because I’ve spent most of my sentient life in academics and spring means DEADLINES. It’s beautifully easy to ignore DEADLINES when it’s the middle of winter and you just can’t possibly bring yourself to work on anything because the snow drifts have buried your dog, and there’s beef stew and fresh biscuits to eat, and endless naps to take, and layers of subcutaneous fat to develop. I adore winter. But spring has to come and ruin everything. Suddenly it’s ever so slightly warmer out, so people suddenly expect you to snap to attention and shed your seventy layers of woolen clothing (not to mention all the fat you worked so hard to store all winter!) and then rejoice in all the extra sunlight and fresh air and birds waking you with their incessant chirping at 4am until you take a shotgun and finish off the disease-ridden, obnoxious little beasts. I hate birds, too.

Well, I say: go to hell, spring! I’m going to continue to bundle up in my wool pea coat and scarf and boots, even if the temperatures reach seventy degrees! I’m going to continue to pretend I have months left to sort out my dissertation and not weeks, days, or even hours! And if one more bloody bird wakes me out of a sound sleep before the sun does (and sun, you can go to hell, too!), I swear by all that is holy that I will hang, draw, and quarter a flock of canaries and leave their carcasses hanging outside of my window as a macabre warning for the rest of you!

Spring sucks. Damn it, who’s with me?!

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Comments

  1. * windlife says:

    Hello You site looks like it is doing great I was wondering if you mind leaving a comment on my site
    http://windlife.wordpress.com
    thank you hope you have a great day windlife~

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  2. * gemfan says:

    I’ve just spent the day mowing the bloody lawn so, yes i’m with you!!!!

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  3. * sarsen56 says:

    my pond is filling up with ‘spring life’ mostly the green suspect stuff that kicked off evolution….

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago


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