Weekly Shocks' Blog



Cripes, If I’d Known I Was Gonna Have Company…

Bless This Mess

Bless This Mess

…I would have tidied up this dump a bit.

So, my mild case of OCD requires me to repeatedly check my Blog Stats to see how many people I’ve managed to inflict my inane, goofy worldview upon that day. I’m pathetic, I know. Be nice to me: I’m a middle child and am subsequently ignored, isolated, and forgotten even within my own damn family. Blogging is cheaper than my previous attention-seeking behaviors which mostly involved setting things on fire and blaming the destruction on my invisible pet turtle Charley.

I think most personal bloggers are a touch self-absorbed and attention-starved anyway: why else would we vomit up all our private thoughts and observations to anonymous strangers on the intrawebs? It’s probably the closest we’re ever going to come to having our very own Oprah Moments and, gosh darn it, we wanna share it with as many folks as possible, right?! RIGHT?!?! Can I get a HELL YEAH??!

OK, settle down, we’ve got serious business to discuss here.

The question, of course, is how do we lure the readers in? I tried coercing strangers on the street with free beer, but apparently that’s illegal in Oxford, and too many creepy pervs were getting the wrong idea. (Seriously, what makes people think a girl on the corner passing out free beer and standing under a giant blinking neon sign blaring “FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL 1-800-WEEKLYSHOCKS ” is anything but sweet and wholesome? Gutter-minded weirdos!) Luckily, there seems to be a much simpler solution to increasing your blog hits: the strange and wonderful Alpha Inventions. Seriously, this site is jaw-droppingly amazing. If you want to increase traffic, enter your blog into their marvelous little blog randomizer, and start panicking once you realize that traffic on your site has literally increased tenfold and now real, live people are reading and judging and hating your freakishly bizarre, dark and dusty corner of the intrawebs.

So, that gratuitous little plug out of the way, a big hello to all my new readers! Thanks very much for your kind words on my blog, or really for just looking at the damn thing. I hope it hasn’t caused you too much trauma. Most likely, it has passed unnoticed, which is frankly OK by me. As long as those hits keep coming, my deeply-traumatized psyche is soothed and the urge to kill fades just a little bit more. Ahhhhhhh.

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Comments

  1. * Lesley Dewar says:

    I have never used their AIID – but have these stats for you:
    10/3/2009 37 referral sources – none from AI
    116 page views = 97 pages + 19 returns

    On this day, I did not submit to Alpha Inventions.

    9/3/2009 161 referral sources – 129 from AI
    210 page views = 202 pages + 8 returns
    On this day, I submitted to Alpha Inventions I three times

    I have used Alpha Inventions to drive page views in the past and find that my return visitors are steadily increasing of their own accord.

    I also get flow on traffic to my other sites that are linked to my main site.

    Hope that helps.

    http://notallpoppies.wordpress.com

    PS I have had up to 2000 in a day – but that was on a day when I specifically wrote an article about them.

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  2. * rollsettravel says:

    Why are we blogging? I’m new to this type of self expression, I find it somewhat theraputic. I too find myself checking my stats to see if I’ve had any new comments. Although some seem to collect vists like my 9 year old collected poggs. Nice site I’ll be back. A.J.

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  3. * Josien says:

    -grin- Yep, AND a middle child.. And checking my stats at least err.. a zillion times a day? A weird sense of accomplishment, writing something and then having a bunch of people check it out. Kinda makes you feel people want to know how you feel.. Oh gosh you’re right, it sounds pathetic. :S

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  4. * J.R. Ewing says:

    Maybe save up some money and buy some advertising during the Super Bowl?

    Clearing up those toxic waste barrels would help too.

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  5. So, guess what? I actually found you on Alpha Inventions! I love it, and my blog has gotten tons of traffic from it, as well.

    So, now that I am here, I will be back.

    PS I tried that free beer thing, too. It didn’t so much work for me…. šŸ™‚

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  6. * WeeklyShocks says:

    Thanks yet again, very kind people, and please feel free to make yourself at home here, because I’ll certainly be paying visits to your online places of abode. Uninvited, of course, and I’ll probably overstay my welcome, but, hey, that’s how I roll.

    šŸ™‚

    J.R., a brilliant plan, sir, and one I had not considered. I am a little low on the funds, though: wanna spot me $20 or $30 mill? Also, I think the waste barrels give the place character and keep out the riffraff, so, while I appreciate the suggestion, they are staying. Sorry. šŸ™‚

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  7. * J.R. Ewing says:

    Sorry, all I’ve got is this $100,000,000,000,000 Zimbabwe dollar bill: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3e/Zimbabwe_$100_trillion_2009_Obverse.jpg

    In case you were wondering, I found this blog via Satellite News. (A great site)

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago
  8. * WeeklyShocks says:

    Ah, Satellite News is the GRANDEST SITE OF ALL! It’s where all the cool people go. šŸ™‚

    Posted 8 years, 4 months ago


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