Weekly Shocks' Blog

It really ain’t easy being green.

Today, during my internet wanderings, I came across a news article on MSN’s homepage (Yes, I occasionally read news articles from MSN. Don’t judge me.) provocatively entitled Is birth control bad for the environment? I sincerely thought this was going to be a joke article written by one of those half-assed pseudo comics MSN occasionally trots out when they’re low on advice for what to do when your 70-year-old boyfriend is fooling around with a 26-year old Russian minx. (I personally love that the advice columnist pretty much berated the 58-year-old letter-writer by dismissively calling her “girl,” “snoop,” and potentially “ugly.” Wow.) But this article about the impacts various types of birth control are having on Mother Earth is a genuine, sincere discussion about the pros and cons of the birth control pill and condoms. And I am now overwhelmed with guilt, because this was certainly an issue I never considered before.

I hate to pull out the old excuse that I’m an American and therefore my environmental awareness is understandably limited. So I won’t. Hell, I’m well-traveled and literate and I care about the environment. I buy local. I save plastic bags. I recycle. I reuse my bath water for cooking purposes. (Maybe not that last one, but, hey, I am thinking outside the box, right?) But now I’m ashamed because I assumed that practicing safe sex, no matter what method a couple prefers, is always, always beneficial for the environment. But I was WRONG. I feel like the author of the article is sitting on my back and pushing my face into a pile of nuclear sludge while shrieking, “YOU GOT SERVED, SUCKA!!!!”

Oh well. I deeply apologize for my ignorance and my hatred for all causes that might better our planet. Please remember, I am Catholic, so the very fact that I can write the word “condom” while only blushing a little bit is a big achievement for me. Baby steps, folks, baby steps. Unless you’re practicing environmentally-friendly safe sex, then limited carbon footprints, I guess, limited carbon footprints.

I’m so confused.


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